Zuma power

Satiricus was in high spirits. One of his favourite international characters, President Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma, would be visiting the West Indies. Jamaica was going to be celebrating its Golden Jubilee of Independence next week and Zuma was coming on a state visit. Satiricus wondered if Zuma would be bringing all four of his wives – especially the last one he married earlier this year at the age of seventy. After all, in South Africa, he regularly showed up with all his wives on his arms at official functions.
‘Hey!! Zuma is my kinda guy also!’ boomed Kuldeep. ‘The man really had six wives – but one of them divorced him and another passed away.’ ‘So yuh think some people might be upset if he show up wid all he wife?’ Bungi enquired.
‘Wha yuh a talk about?’ protested Cappo. ‘De man gon fit in here good; he a wan real Caribbean man!’
‘Damn right!’ agreed Suresh. Is not only the six wives the man has. He got a whole number of fiancés and a whole lot of girlfriends.’
‘And like de Caribbean Man, Zuma also has at least 20 children – some from his fiancés and girlfriends,’ intoned teacher Samad lugubriously.
‘But he doesn’t have them ‘outside’; they’re all inside.’ ‘Hey! What else do you expect?’ enquired Suresh.
‘On the South African budget for 2009/ 10 they had to include US$ 2 million for “spousal support”!’
‘But don’t forget that Zuma says that he provides food for his wives,’ noted Hari. ‘The US$ 2 million is for personal staff and air travel for the wives.’
‘Don’t forget that his own ANC party is trying to remove that support,’ informed Kuldeep. ‘What a bunch of party poopers! They want to pay for only one wife!’
‘Yuh damn right!’’ agreed Cappo heatedly. ‘How come de British not removin’ de millions of pounds for their queen and all her children, grandchildren, and great grand children?’
‘De man is a Zulu,’ pointed out Bungi. ‘Is he custom.’ ‘But a next thing dat mek de man a Caribbean man is dat he like fuh sing,’ enthused Cappo.
‘De man just like de Mighty Sparrow. He favourite song a ‘Lethu Mshini Wami’ – Pass me me Machine Gun”!’
‘He’s going to fit right in, in Jamaica!’ smiled Suresh. ‘Jamaicans wouldn’t have any problems honouring that request!’
‘Okay, fellas,’ butted in Georgie who had been listening silently to the love fest on Zuma. ‘What about the time Zuma had sex with a 30-year-old daughter of an old deceased comrade and he was charged for rape?’
‘What about that?’ Suresh wanted to know. ‘He was not convicted, was he? He said the sex was consensual.’
‘But he knew the girl was HIV positive,’ protested Georgie. ‘His excuse at trial was that he took a shower after the sex and that took care of the risk of contracting AIDS.’
‘So what’s the point,’ asked Kuldeep. ‘He was maybe a bit uninformed.’
‘Well for one, what was wrong was that at the time Zuma headed the South African National AIDS Council,’ said Georgie quietly.
‘Just like we Caribbean man’, concluded Cappo in a pleased tone. ‘I hope Pressie invite he to Guyana!’