Wenches and darts

Satiricus was titillated by the announcement that the upscale new mall on the East Coast would be getting a ‘real’ British pub. But it was not the promise of warm lager that titillated him – or tickled his fancy for that matter. It was the promises that ‘lovely lasses would be dressed in traditional wenches outfits’ that did the trick. Satiricus had seen enough movies of medieval England al la “Robin Hood etc – to need the dictionary explanation of ‘wenches’ – a young (especially buxom) peasant girl; a wanton woman.
“Wenches, eh?” cackled Georgie, who was still visiting from New York. “That’s about as Caribbean as British! Every pirate tavern had to have their share of wenches, remember?”
“Damn right!” confirmed Hari, the movie aficionado. “The classic lines from Pirates of the Caribbean are still with me: ‘Yaaar!! Call over the tavern wench. Me ale bucket needs a filling. And while you’re there, tell ‘er that she should clean out the stain she left on my bed sheets last night. Arrrr!”
Everyone around the table in their old backstreet dive, doubled up in laughter at Hari’s spot on imitation of Jack Spaar. He’d even stood up and tottered precariously!
“The wenches were usually dressed so as to best display their buxom assets,” noted Teacher Samad. “And flirt with the louts quaffing their beer.”
“Sound just like dem bar dat spring up all over the place nowadays,” said Cappo. “Remember in the old days, when dey just used to be in Lombard Street?”
“Me hope dem na guh traffic wid girls from de interior to get de wenches,” complained Bungi. “Guyana gat enough trouble.”
“Hey! Hey! Cut the guy some slack!” exclaimed Suresh. “Why you fellas only focusing on the wenches? The man says his pub will have darts also.”
“Why? To puncture the wenches’ assets?” said Kuldeep with a smirk. He was a notoriously terrible darts player. Everybody laughed. With Kuldeep, the darts might very well end up there.
“But seriously chaps,” interjected Mukesh. “Wouldn’t you like to sample all the British dishes the fella mentioned.
“You mean, kidney pie and banger?” said Samad. “Why would I want to eat anything made with kidneys. You ever smell the thing? Uuuggg!”
“I notice they didn’t mention “Spotted Dick” which is as British a dish as you can get,” smiled Satiricus. “Wouldn’t that go with the ‘wenches’ theme?”
Everyone stared at Satiricus in shock. He wasn’t known for making off-colour cracks.
“Hey it’s not only me,” retorted Satiricus. “I do remember what Chirac, the former president of France once told Putin and some German leaders: “One cannot trust people whose cuisine is so bad!!” We should note that all the leaders laughed and nodded in agreement.”
“But who would want food even the British don’t want,” chipped in Hari. “Remember what one person said, “I’ll bet what motivated the British to colonise so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal.” Everyone cracked up.
“Anyhow, leh abee tek wan drink to abee old rumshop,” said Cappo, raising his beer bottle. “You cyaan beat fry Banga Mary wid peppa sauce!”
There were clinks of bottles all around.