Tiger, Tiger burning bright

TIMES INT'L

Satiricus was pleased. He was tired of the politics which dominated the newspapers, including the one where he worked. Here was a piece of news that gladdened his heart – that his favourite cricketer had received an honorary Doctor of Laws from the University of the West Indies. He hurried over to the Back Street Bar to share his joy.
“Let’s drink to DOCTOR Chandrapaul, fellas!” Satiricus said, as he grabbed his beer.
“Hear! Hear!” said Hari, as they all clinked their bottles. “At long last he’s being recognised by the Caribbean.”
“Me glad fuh hear dah,” observed Cappo. “De West Indies cricket Boa’d really gi’e da bai hard cyard!”
“An’ ‘e get ‘e dacta degree fram wan university wha’ can really gi’e waan!!” chuckled Bungi.
“But really, fellas,” asked Satiricus, “why you think they didn’t let the Tiger play one more test series?”
“What else?” asked Hari. “The selectors didn’t want him to pass Lara record!”
“Selectas me ass!” exploded Cappo. “Ah de Boa’d mek de decision!”
“But why ayuh a cuss outsida?” asked Bungi. “Sato leadah dem tek ovah de guvment de same year dem drap de Tigah. Why dem na ‘aana de maan?”
“The PPPC government had already given him a medal,” said Satiricus. “The Cacique Crown of Honour!”
“Budday, da de t’ird hi’’es’ ‘aana,” protested Cappo. “De nex’ year dem gi’e Barbadas PM Stuart de Arda a Roraima! Da de secand hi’’es’.”
“Yes! Wha’ he do fuh abee?” demanded Bungi. “Put abee fuh siddong pan wan bench a dem airport?”
“That’s right,” confessed Hari. “I’d forgotten about that!”
“An’ yuh leadah Rum Jhaat an’ Nagga Man na do nutten!” said Cappo bitterly. “An’ dem use to spo’t up wid Tigah good an’ prappa!”
“W’en man done suck cane ‘e does dash peeling pan de gr’ung!’ added Bungi.
“C’mon fellas,” pleaded Satiricus. “I thought we would just drink to Tiger!”
“But the boys have a point,”said Hari. “Why we didn’t honour our own prophet?”
“An’, beca’se yuh guvment na ‘aana de man,” said Cappo, “Da immigrashan gyaal tell Tigah ‘e cyaan jine de VIP line.”
Satiricus was quiet. He could never win with leaders like Nagga Man and Rum Jhaat.

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