By Lakhram Bhagirat
“I have been living with HIV for 15 years now and I am thankful for every passing day that I have here. Some days I just sit down alone and wonder what my life would be if I had been taught how to protect myself from an early state,” Maria says.
Maria (not her real name) is a 35-year-old accountant who has been living with HIV for over 15 years and according to her, every day has been nothing short of “life-changing”. I sat down with Maria and she related her life-changing story detailing her depression and discrimination.
Going back to her early days, Maria said she grew up in a traditional Indian family that valued boundaries. She said that her mother was always the enforcer and would teach her and her two sisters how to be “decent girls”. She said that education played an integral role in their lives, but there were certain things that were restricted.
While growing up, she explained, there were crushes along the way, but she was never taught about sex.
“The first time I heard about sex was when I was in Form Four and the teacher was teaching us about reproduction and we were learning about how babies are made. She told us about sex and everyone in the class was silent and when she explained what it was, then we all were just giggling,” she related.
Maria said that she was 18 when she met her late husband who was six years older.
“My husband was the first man I have ever been with and after I met him, my parents were not too happy that we were courting. You know how Indian parents are and after we was courting for three months, we got married,” Maria explained.
Maria got pregnant a few months later, but eventually suffer a miscarriage after she slipped in the bathroom. She was just about three months pregnant when she suffered her miscarriage and after that her life changed for the worse. Worse in every sense, according to her, since after that her husband went on a downward spiral.
He began drinking and eventually became abusive towards her.
“He would beat me up when he came home drunk and had sweet woman and so. I was not happy with him, but my mother did not want us to separate, so I stayed with him. I started to get sick and one day I vomit blood so my mother-in-law rush me to the hospital. When I went there, they did a lot of tests and so on. Then they tell me that I have HIV,” she related.
Amid tears, Maria continued: “When they told me about the HIV I was surprised, because I never had sex with anyone else except my husband. My mother-in-law bring me home and tell my husband. He beat me right in front of she and telling me that I got man make I get AIDS. Them put me out and I had to go back by my mother.”
When she returned to her mother’s home, it was another scene. Her mother refused to allow her into the house because she was a “disgrace” to the family and with nowhere to go, she slept in her mother’s yard. The next morning her mother ran her out of the home and word started to quickly spread that she had the “big truck”. A cousin of hers took her in and she still lives with her to this day.
“After I moved in with my cousin, I had to get a job and I never work before. My cousin eventually get a job for me as an accounts clerk with the Ravina Store and from there I start to further my studies in accounting. I left Ravina Store and now working with a tax consultancy firm,” she said.
Maria tells me the endless discrimination she experienced at the hands of those close to her was heartbreaking. However, she said that she has been receiving counselling and with the support of her cousin, she has been able to pull through.
“I am thankful. I am really thankful that my cousin took me in when no one wanted me. I would be forever grateful. It is hard to be HIV positive and all alone. No one should be alone.” (Times Sunday Magazine)
