The Vanguard Party

Satiricus got a jolt earlier this week. He’s been scanning the newspapers and – lo and behold – he saw the KFC describing itself as the “Vanguard Party”! A wave of warm nostalgia washed over Satiricus. It seemed like just yesterday that Forbes was boasting about his Vanguard party – the PNC – leaving Cheddi’s presumably backward and ‘bourgeoisie’ PPP in the dust. At long last, the masses would have revolutionary leadership leading them on the yellow brick road! Satiricus practiced clenching his fist and thrusting it into the air.

“Vanguard, eh?” Cappo rocked back his chair and nodded contemplatively. “De last time me hear da, me Daady bin a wear bell-bottom!”

“So wha is dis ‘Vanguard Party’ KFC now turn?” Bungi looked at teacher Samad. “Is anything to do wid Van West?”

Samad laughed, “Naah! Raam Jhaat Tan wants to say the KFC knows what is best for Guyana and they will provide leadership to everybody.”

“But is the Vanguard party not the best communist party?” Hari wanted to know. “I thought Ram Jhaat Tan was not a communist.”

“Ram Jhaat Tan will be a communist, a capitalist or a fascist once it gets him into power!” chuckled Suresh. “But is Lenin who said the communist party got to be the “Vanguard party’”

“Vanguard me arse!” snorted Cappo. “Ram Jhaat and de Naga Man just stirring up trouble to thief some votes.”

Satiricus would have none of it. “Look man. Is a revolutionary situation in Linden. The Jhaat and the Naga Man just tell the people how to see the see the situation.” He looked around the table. “That is what Vanguard leaders like Burnham did.”

“Listen Budday! Is a revolutionary situation wid we canecutters,” interjected Cappo gruffly.

“Me na see KFC telling de government fuh cut abee light bill.” “Bai, I still think Raam Jhaat and Naga Man are communist Vanguards,” argued Hari. “Look how they protesting ‘fat cats’ salaries!”

“That’s right!” agreed Satiricus. “Why should government clerks leave the union to get qualifications and earn more money? They should remain with the rest, pay their union dues and sit around!”

“So if Ramjattan follow Burnham and order all the government workers to cut bush at Hope Estate that is all right with you?” Hari wanted to know.

“Damn right!” Satiricus said heartily. “It’s a tough call. But a vanguard party got to do what a vanguard party got to do.” “So wha is de next move, Mr Vanguard?” Cappo enquired sarcastically.

“Yuh look like yuh know about this thing.” Satiricus appeared oblivious to the tone.

“Well, the Vanguard KFC will have to teach the rest of us how to behave and talk. But I hope they don’t come back with ‘comrade’”

“How about ‘Budday!!’” suggested Cappo.

“But me hope dem na tell abee fo grow goatee!” “What’s wrong with a goatee?” protested Satiricus. “It makes you look like an intellectual. Vanguards have to look intellectual. Especially if yuh wearing your shirt jack.”

“Listen chap. Me Nani does always seh ‘All smart flies does end up pan cow backside’. And dat is where dis vanguard party going!” Cappo snorted.

Satiricus’ nostalgia took a dive. But he punched his clenched fist in the air as he said, “Let’s drink to that!”