The Muckraker’s Diaries

Satiricus was elated. He knew it…he always knew it. The Muckraker Glennie was part and parcel of the official opposition. Satiricus always figured from the old backtracker’s actions, he was with the opposition. But now he had the smoking gun that Glennie was as opposition as Ram Jhaat Tan.
His wife’s niece Lilawatee (five times removed, but the girl still called him “Poopah”) was in the official opposition’s maid service (Oh…the perks the opposition now had!) and she’d been sent to clean Glennie’s house. Satiricus had the (temporarily) filched diary in his hands!

Dear Diary,
Oh me mummah, diary. If yuh know wha happen today! Da blasted RanRoop send press release dat he gon start up he radio station now. Me know dat he get de radio station since last year, but me na seh nothing. Me bin think me old friend, who ah de Big Wan now woulda give me a licence. But like he forget me now!!
(Excuse me, dear Diary. Lemme tek wan drink fuh calm down.)
OK. Ok. Diary, me know me cuss he till water na deh fuh wash am…But he nah do wha me tell am! Like he na know me ah mix wid big ambassador and suh. Me gat mo power than de whole opposition!
(Leh me drink fuh how me famous now!)
But dear Diary, lemme come back to dis radio thing. You know me had plans. No. Nah business plans. Me own plans. Yuh know me want fuh get into politics in full. But people think because me and Baddam! does write “Dem Boys Seh”, dat me can only ‘throw talk’ like wan gyurl.
(See how me drink dat shot. Me na wan gyurl.)
Me bin put in fuh wan TV licence. But Jagdesh never give me. Den that blasted RanRoop buy out Biera! Me never think about going dat way. RanRoop blasted outsmart me in TV. Me already know he smart de way he run the paper he start up before he buy the TV station! Me bin know him when he just bin a wan doctah…but is the newspaper dat give me belly wuk.
(Dat drink was fuh me belly wuk, dear Diary. Ah get the same feeling wid the radio station.)
Yes, Diary, the politics thing. So me cyaan write in me paper fuh people think me smart and vote for me. Den de first time me guh pan TV, dem ask me wan question and me had to call Badddam! fuh answer. Everybody laff.
(Lemme tek wan drink fuh forget how me bin shame.)
Suh me figure, dear Diary, if me get wan radio station, me could talk and nobody gon see me. And deh would’n see Baddam! telling me what fuh seh. Baddam!, could write small words in big letters so me can read dem. And people woulda vote for me. Lemme tell yuh…now dat me work so close wid Ram Jhaat and CarBin dem na more smart than me!
(Lemme tek wan drink fuh how me smart!)
Well me gat fuh guh now, dear Diary. De pen a fall outa me hand. But me gon mek big stink about de radio in me Muckraker. Me and Baddam! know how fuh mek up thing prapah good.