The Huge Diaries

Satiricus welcomed the return of the Linden Commission of Inquiry (CoI) to Guyana. Their first sojourn had produced so much drama that Satiricus and his buddies had thought the tape could have been sent up for the Academy Awards. NoGel Huge, Chairman of the KFC, who’s thrown caution to the winds in his quest for fame and a senior counsel nomination, would have been “Most Tragic Actor”. The scene when he’d self-destructed while cross-questioning Senior Superintendent Hitchen, was a classic. Satiricus opened the Huge Diary, expectantly…
Dear Diary,
I tell you, I was sweating when I walked in that CoI hearing room. Ram Jhaat ask me why I de looking all over the room. I was looking for Short Man Hitchen. Because I’m huge in name and nature and I never believe a lil bannas like him would take me on. You remember, right Diary? I ask he a simple question – How long the meeting with Rodee last? And he tell me he “can’t recall”. Ten times I ask he and he keep telling me he “can’t recall”!!
Dear Diary, I tried all the old tricks to intimidate the dammed short son-of-a-bi**h: I puff up me chest; I raise me voice; I skin me eyes. The blasted man just keep saying he “can’t recall”. I must admit I lost it then, dear diary. (I‘m back. I had to take a lil ‘took’ of weed. None of that natty Mahaica Stuff. Real Jamaican Westmorland Ganja.  I had to calm down. I started to lose it just remembering the smirk on that blasted short man’s face!)
Anyhow dear diary, you remember the chief commissioner told me to apologise or I couldn’t ask any more questions, right? Well, was big drama. I told all of them I quit and I wouldn’t represent anybody anymore. So you want to know how I got back into the CoI the very next day and spoke? And I went back this week?
Well you know how we lawyers have “technicality”. Technically I never apologise and technically I never could ask any more questions. But the truth is, I had to beg like rass because I was looking like such an ass.  But anyhow I too glad they didn’t sit for too long this time. I couldn’t sit at all – I was looking to see whether Hitchen would walk in. (Just a few more puffs, dear diary. Nothing to worry about. But I feeling Irie man.)
But Diary, it ain’t easy. Ram Jhaat and Naga Man tell me how we gon undercut APANU in Linden. GrainJa was looking like a statesman. But look how it backfire! How I gon turn senior counsel after I embarrass myself before the whole Caribbean Bar. I gon have to return to representing small time hustlers.
Goodby Dear Diary. I might as well smoke out the rest of this spliff. (Starts singing… Buffalo Soldier, dreadlock rasta.)