The Glennie diaries

Satiricus was not surprised when Lilawatee, his wife’s niece (five times removed, please) brought him the diary of Glennie, owner of the MuckrakerKN. As a journalistic scribbler, it was common knowledge that the Muckraker was part and parcel of the opposition. And if Lilawatee provided maid’s service to the opposition, Glennie had to be serviced.

Dear Diary,
Ah tell you, dear diary, me nah know wha me gon do. The rest of the opposition so damn, blasted lazy. Ah gat fuh do all de wuk fuh dem. Ah tell dem is na Rodee de problem. Is Jagdesh and RanRoop. But everyday is Rodee! Rodee! Rodee! Imagine last week ah tell GrainJa to go after RanRoop and he got the balls to tell me that RanRoop hire three-quarters of ‘his kind of people’. (OK dear diary, ah had to tek a drink. Ah suh angry with GrainJa, me hand shaking.) But de Jhaat no different. His buddy who own the big hotel, bin buy over a bigger business from the government than RanRoop. The man smart out everybody and now he own everything. But at least de Jhaat buddy-friend cussing Jagdesh and the government. Me own friend Toni get fuh buy the big store. Well is me and he store… but we can’t let everybody know. But Toni doan want to cuss. He didn’t pay up de money he owe and he frighten Brassy gon tek back de store.
(Yes, dear diary, ah had to tek two drinks this time. Ah vex wid Toni too.) But back to RanRoop. Ah so hate that man. Ah cyaan get he out of me mind. Ah running crazy. He done was a doctor. Then he buy the big drugs company. Then he buy the Ruimveldt property. Me brother bin want the property. He bid. But the place was a dump. He nah mind when he lose.
But then RanRoop turn around the drugs company, so why he had to open up a newspaper? That is what get me! He tekking away customers from me! (Ah know a tek long, dear diary. Ah had to tek four drinks when ah think about that RanRoop and how he successful. Ah cyaan tek it!) So last night, guess what? We control the public accounts committee, right? But de blasted APANU and KFC people tell me they cyaan find nothing wrong with RanRoop drug company business with the government. Imagine deh telling me it doan look ‘professional’ to keep digging! Professional me arse! Wait till they want campaign money! Anyhow, dear diary, ah get Sharna son to go after the man’s business. He does tek crank-up just like he father. So Sharna son, gotay de whole story again but he cyaan find nothing wrong.
Me and Baddam! had to spend the whole night twisting the story to mek RamRoop and he drugs company look bad.
(Ah got to go dear diary. Ah tired too bad. And ah got to finish off the bottle. When you hate somebody like me, you does got to drink.)