Raam Jhaat’s resolutions

Truth be told, Satiricus had enjoyed the holidays a wee bit too much. OK, that wasn’t quite the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Satiricus was still nursing a throbbing head brought on by his excesses with the fellas on Christmas Eve. “Christmas comes but once a year,” he rationalised sub-vocally. “But does it have to leave like a hurricane?” he mumbled to himself. So here he was with the Raam Jhaat’s diary, which his wife’s niece (five times removed) had temporarily filched for his perusal. Maybe the gems from the leader of the KFC would clear his head. He plunged in:
Dear Diary,
Oh what a year it has been, diary. What a year! And I don’t mean a good year. It was a damn terrible year! You remember I told you last year I was going to be the big kuma-kuma of Guyanese politics? Well I was the kuma-kuma all right – the only thing is they chop me up, too bad. Instead of “King Fish” I was “Small Fry”.
I thought it was going to be like how Burnham deal with Russia and the U.S. during the Cold war days. You know – play off one against the other – and have them both courting me. I thought I would be calling the shots. Unfortunately all the shots were fired at me.
(Excuse me diary. I had to take a shot of rum. The shots were too scary.)
Funny thing, most of the blasted shots were not from PPE/C and APANU – they were from my own blasted party. Imagine Naga Man cutting me throat. I took that old hardback into me law office and teach him everything I know about law and look what he did. (I admit there wasn’t much I could teach him: how to plead – that is a fancy word for begging the judge – and also how to scamp people. But Naga already know that one. Real good.)
But I don’t want to look back too much dear diary: it hurt me too much. How could Naga Man tie bundle with NoGel Huge? That man too full of heself. Think he should be senior counsel! Humph! Just because he study in England? If me Daady had money me coulda study in England too.
(Had to take another drink, dear diary. Sigh…I coulda eat so much food in those Inns in England!)
What I really want to tell you today dear diary is about me resolutions for next year.
1) I gon really sacrifice for the KFC next year. I gon take off two whole days from making money at me lawyer work and devote it to the party.
2) I gon only drink one bottle of XM every day and smoke only two packs of cigarettes. I know I must set a good example for the youths of this country. They are the future.
3) I gon work to undermine Naga Man and NoGel Hughes since they are bad for the KFC. If they are bad for me they must be bad for the KFC.
4) I gon give out umbrellas to people around me. They say I spitting too much when I shouting and screaming in Parliament and Peg a Suss.
(I just tekking another drink, dear diary. Got to finish off my bottle of XM.) Satiricus’ head was throbbing even harder.