Satiricus was relieved beyond belief. Here it was for all these years − more years that he liked to think about – he’d been beating up on himself for being such a dummkopf. It had surfaced as far back as nursery school when he just couldn’t count from one to two – after a whole year. It wasn’t much different for the rest of his school life. His mother had told him it wasn’t his fault. The nurse had dropped him on his head soon after he was born.
But amazingly hope now beats anew in his breast. There it was in black and white in the yellow journalistic rag, the MuckrakerKN, that his problem was really “Mental Processing”!! And the report made sure Satiricus knew what was “mental processing”. This was “all things a person can do with their mind”. Right away, Satiricus knew this was some deep stuff. A person wasn’t just one person – he was many and that was why the article spoke of “their mind”. Satiricus, a good student in Sunday School, remembered that some people contained “multitudes”.
So, Satiricus now knew, his problem wasn’t that he wasn’t smart or anything like that – he just wasn’t doing Mental Processing. The article had described how people committed suicide because they weren’t doing enough Mental Processing. So Satiricus figured if Mental Processing could solve the problem of suicide – it would be a cinch for his dumbness.
And Satiricus was happy the article described just how he could get to do Mental Processing. There was a University right here in Guyana, that could teach Mental Processing. The name of the University was the Merican University of Research and it even had its own acronym – MUOR. Imagine that – pretty soon he’d be a graduate of MUOR and be able to argue with people like Mook Lall and CN Sharna.
Satiricus was doubly impressed. All his life he had heard that universities did “research”. And as a reporter he’d heard people complain that UG didn’t do enough research. But imagine here was a university that did nothing but research!!! “Wow!!” thought Satiricus, “Imagine going to a university like that!” He’d be doing research all the time – and on Mental Processing. He wouldn’t have to study any books, or snotty subjects like maths and such stuff.
All he had to do was throw back and do Mental Processing. Satiricus wondered if he could get a Masters Degree in Mental Processing if he concentrated all the time on Angelina Jolie. Or better yet, even a PhD if he just Mentally Processed her lips?