Lashes

For writers
Most Guyanese don’t give a hoot about the little band of snot-noses who pretentiously and portentously go around announcing to all and sundry that they’re “writers”. The one who’s most obnoxious about this affectation is the now long-in-the-tooth poseur Ruel Johnson. Groomed as an act of charity and expiation (you know how these liberals are about the ‘depressed’ classes) by Ian McDonald, the teenaged Johnson was allowed to submit a mishmash of jottings for the Guyana Prize for Literature.
This was a mistake of the first order, compounded by the farce that the fellow was allowed to cop an award. Well, talk about swollen heads and egos!! The fellow threw his weight around so much that even his personal relations shattered. Crux of the matter is the Guyana one-book wonder never produced anything of substance since.
He’s been reduced to hanging around coffee shops, ostentatiously tapping away at a laptop to impress customers who’d rather look at their salaras and pine tarts. As far as we can tell, all he’s producing are some bitter letters to the press (if they call that “writing” then Guyana is full of writers, along with something else!!). The recent subject of his vitriol has been Minister of Culture, Dr Frank Anthony and the latter’s running of the Caribbean Press.
If we cut to the chase (and we know your eyes are already glazing over with the details of this twit), Johnson basically wants a squeeze with the culturati so that he won’t have to work another day in his life. Ironically, Dr Anthony seems to be feeding the man’s ego, not realising that as Cultural Advisor (note the capitals) Johnson wants his job. So Anthony regularly offers Johnson paid workshops and lectures…but all he gets for his pains are more lashes in the letter pages.
In his latest missile, Johnson widened the sweep of his lash and included the head of the Caribbean Press, Prof David Dabydeen. Big mistake. But that’s the point: people like Johnson don’t know to quit while they’re ahead. Prof Dabydeen, a Cambridge graduate, full professor at an English university, head of a department, and more to the point – a published writer in prose and fiction, just came down on Johnson like a ton of bricks.
Turns out Prof Dabydeen bought, with his own money, the laptop Johnson strikes poses with. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!!!!
….for doggerel and puppyrel
Referring to Johnson’s wunderkind aspirations, Dabydeen  noted that he’s not even producing doggerel (atrociously composed free-form “verse”) but “puppyrel”!!!. The good professor thus reveals why more local writers, including Johnson aren’t being published. They’re not writing – just typing!! We’ve been saying this for years, but it’s good to be validated by an expert.
Evidently, Johnson was challenged by Dabydeen to write something and submit it to Caribbean Press…but failed to do so. One can’t even call his problem “writer’s block” since one has to first be a writer to suffer that ailment. The whelp couldn’t even turn up on time for a United Nations Educational, Cultural and Scientific Organisation (UNESCO) workshop arranged by Prof Dabydeen. The professor also put a lash on that other whiner Barrington Braithwaite, who also has delusions about being an “artiste”. Dabydeen pointed out that the closest Braithwaite’s come to earning that honour is to “nearly share” a surname with the great Caribbean poet Kamau Brathwaite!! Ouch!!!
But a word of advice to Dr Anthony and Dr Dabydeen. The rage of Johnson and Braithwaite has nothing to do with their protestations. At the bottom is what Nietzsche called their “ressentiment”: they should be the ones enjoying the positions of honour.
…from Rambo
The no-nonsense Raymond “Rambo” Gaskin, came out in defence of acting Town Clerk Sooba. As the one who compiled the report on the Augean Stables into which City Hall had descended, he’s most qualified to tell it as it is. Join Rambo, citizens. Let’s clean the stables!