Killing the Country

Satiricus is an old newspaper hack. He had learnt his craft at the knees of the old legends. He was a stickler for the rules: he had literally had his head “cranked” and his ears “wrung” by the oldsters when he transgressed those rules. So he was more than a little concerned when he observed the Muckraker playing fast and loose with the rules. Baddam! the editor-in-chief was one of the old heads.
“Bai, wha yuh a tek worries, fa?” consoled Cappo. “Even doh Baddam! come fram de old school, dem always had some fellas who bin a skulk from school!”
“Not only that!” exclaimed Suresh chuckling. “Baddam! used to cog and cheat.”
“Doan forget de only place dat hire he was New Nation and Chranicle,” Bungi reminded the gang. “Burnham wanted somebody who could tell lie too bad.”
“That’s Baddam! all right,” smiled Kuldeep. “People say he was ruthlessly professional. But I say he was professionally ruthless with his lying.”
“Listen Satiricus, cheer up, man!” Cappo continued with his consoling. “Once wan daag learn fuh suck egg, he cyaan stap! And Baddam! a wan old daag!”
“And you know what kind of eggs those old dogs like to suck?” asked Suresh with raised eyebrows. “Ganda eggs!!’
“The stinker the better!!” cackled Kuldeep.
“Suh yuh see Satiricus, old Baddam! cyaan help fuh print all dem stink story,” said Cappo with a pat on Satiricus’ back.
“Well, I don’t mind if the story really stink,” Satiricus almost wailed. “But Baddam! makes up stink stories!”
“Maybe nah he alone,” suggested Bungi. “Doan fuget dat he bass Glennie too like fuh mek up wan stink story.”
“Yes, especially about people who ‘get up’ more than he!” laughed Suresh. “The man too jealous too bad!”
“But even if that is so,” chimed in Satiricus, “that doesn’t excuse Baddam! He’s supposed to be a professional!”
“Budday! Like yuh na bin a listen,” butted in Cappo. “Baddam a wan professional ganda egg sucka! De man doan need Glennie fuh encourage he.”
“So what really bring this on, Satiricus?” asked Kuldeep solicitously.
“Well man, Baddam! and Glennie really wrote a nasty story about Manic Chand.” Said Satiricus in a gloomy voice. “They apologise but in journalism, the damage is already done.”
“Yeah, man. I read that. That was downright wicked!” said Suresh heatedly.
“But that is not all,” continued Satiricus. “They carried some made up stories that really damage the country. There was the one about some chap from Brooklyn selling computers to the Ministry of Education.”
“Yeah, dem claim de fella gat wan office above a store,” Cappo remembered.
“But they forget that Steve Jobs started out from a garage,” said Satiricus bitterly. “Nowadays, even Apple don’t manufacture I Pads. All you need is an office to source them from China.”
“I heard that several investors have already walked away from the Marriot Hotel deal,” threw in Kuldeep. “Glennie and Baddam! really did a number on us ever getting a good first class hotel!’
“What I want to know is how come the U.S. ambassador’s not saying anything about all these American investment being driven away,” concluded Satiricus. “Including Fip and the Amaila Falls Hydro!”