Guyanese Gandhi

Satiricus accepts that he’s an incorrigible optimist. Some say the cup is half-empty; well, Satiricus only sees it half-full. And, well… yes; he is talking about the PPP’s cup. But seriously folks, when Satiricus saw how Ram Jhaat Tan had not shown up for the NICIL TV debate, he knew that here was a man who just wanted to avoid conflict. The man was head of an organisation named after Gandhi; he was also engaged in politics.

Could it be? Were we seeing the birth of the Guyanese Gandhi? “Gandhi??!!” Cappo almost shrieked. “Ram Jhaat Tan a wan Guyanese Gandhi? Yuh eva hear da man talk?

“He a cuss all de time!!” “Well, listen. I did say maybe it was the birth of our local Gandhi, didn’t I?” Satiricus protested. “But the fella did avoid a fight at the debate.”

“He avoid de fight because he blasted frighten!” interjected Bungi with some heat. “He cuss Brassington till water couldn’t wash am. And den he run behind he mumma skirt.”

“Bai, Ram Jhaat Tan know that if he had shown up, he would have blown them out of the water,” said Satiricus sanguinely.

“And then they would have gotten vex and wanted to fight. He avoided all of that. Like Gandhi, eh!” “Listen budday! Gandhi bin all de way to England in he dhoti fuh debate dem British,” Cappo blurted.

“He neva run away!” “And look how the cuss bud lef he friend Glennie, high and dry!” laughed Bungi. “De chap had to scream fuh de new nation refugee Baddam! fuh save am.”

“That’s right. Gandhi never betrayed his friends,” noted Suresh, who decided to add in his two cents worth. “I think Ram Jhaat Tan is a little coward who couldn’t face the heat.”

“Listen, chap, Ram Jhaat Tan is a lawyer, just like Gandhi,” said Satiricus in defence. “They both argued before judges. They’re not scared of arguing.”

“Satiricus me friend. Wan debate na wan speech befo wan judge,” advised Cappo. “De judge na argue back like Ashani Singh. Singh woulda chew Ram Jhaat Tan up and spit am out like coconut husk!”

“The only thing that Ram Jhaat Tan got in common with Gandhi is them both wear glasses!!” cracked Kuldeep who had been listening to the discussion patiently. The table cracked up.

Then Satiricus caught himself and stifled his laugh. “Tell me why you’re not giving Ram Jhaat Tan credit for staying away from the debate.”

“OK, Buddy! Ah Ram Jhaat Tan bin a bad talk Brazzy all ova de place.” Cappo replied. “Yuh na think he shoulda gie Brazzy wan chance fuh defend heself?” “Well, suppose Brazzie got vex and violent?”

Satiricus was running out of excuses now. “Who would have been blamed?” “Aha!” Suresh exclaimed, “So Ram Jhaat Tan frighten Brazzie? Same thing Bungi said!” “Well, the man said they only gave him 24 hours notice,” Satiricus protested.

“Lawyers need time to prepare, you know.”

“So he na Gandhi no mo?” Cappo cackled. “He cuss Brazzie from marnin till night and now he need wan week fuh prepare?”

“If he bin sho up, Brazzie shoulda tell he fuh ‘shut yuh so-and- so mouth’!” laughed Bungi. “Ram Jhaat Tan cyan even tie Gandhi dhoti!”

Satiricus knew he was defeated. But ever the optimist, he was sure Ram Jhaat Tan would now resign from the Gandhi organisation. Zebras can change their stripes, right?