Fishing expedition

Satiricus likes a courtroom drama – like he’s said before. So he’s been transfixed by the parade of witnesses before the Linden Commission of Inquiry (CoI). He’d thought the inquiry would’ve been a boring drone with the old, stern commissioners dotting their i’s and crossing their t’s. But here it was, the opposition lawyers grilling the policemen that’ve been on the stand up to now, trying to trip them up. It was Perry Mason all over again!
“Perry Mason, me behind!” growled Kuldeep sourly. “Those opposition lawyers are on a fishing expedition, that’s what!”
“If Perry was around, he woulda shouted ‘Objection!! Irrelevant, immaterial and leading the witness!!” grinned Suresh. “Ahhh… those were the days of TV!”
“Sorry Suresh, old buddy,” said Teacher Samad, the resident know-all, “this isn’t a trial. The usual rules of evidence don’t apply.”
“You mean, No-Gel Huge and his buddies could ask whatever they want?” Suresh was horrified. “That’s not fair.”
“That’s why I said the opposition lawyers are on a fishing expedition,” said a still upset Kuldeep. “They have no interest to find out who killed the three chaps.” “Dem just want fuh hang de minista and de police superintendent!” claimed Cappo. “Dat is de real reason fuh de inquiry.”
“Budday!! What you expect when you got the head of the KFC, who start the whole protesting, doing the questioning?” asked Hari cynically. “Is politics all the way!” “But dem should disqualify No-Gel fuh dat!” protested Cappo. “Look how from de beginning he seh de minister call de superintendent.”
“How the arse he could say that?” demanded Suresh. “Like he buy people at GT& T and see the phone records or what?”
“Bai, dem got a good reason why people a call dem ‘criminal lawyer’!” cackled Cappo. “He just like de 99 per cent who does give other lawyers bad name!” Everyone chuckled and took a swig.
“No- Gel is not a bad fella,” added Hari, “he just gets carried away sometimes. I remember him once asking the pathologist, “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?” Everyone cracked up.
“The thing is, Sato, don’t confuse a trial with an inquiry,” advised Samad. “In a trial, the lawyer only interested in getting off his client – by any means necessary. By hook or crook.”
“And in an inquiry?” prompted Satiricus.
“They’re supposed to be finding out the facts… the truth,” continued Samad.
“No- Gel and his crew don’t care about the truth.” “De just want fuh hang de minister,” repeated Cappo morosely.
“That is why they wanted commissioners from the outside,” said Suresh. “They figure those people wouldn’t know what they up to.”
“Moon ah run till daylight ketch am,” confided Cappo. “Dem outside people na schupid. Dem meet up nuff like No-Gel before.”
“That reminds me of a story about No-Gel,” piped up Hari with a smile. “You know how he like to use fancy words?” Everybody nodded enthusiastically. “He was defending a fella from the countryside, so he advised: ‘And lastly, Bertie, all your responses must be oral. OK? What school did you go to? A. Oral. Q. How old are you? A. Oral.’”