by Petamber Persaud
Pulling the Punches: Defeating Domestic Violence by Luke Daniels is a hard-hitting book that does not bob and weave but deliberately aims at and takes potshots at every sordid realities of this issue, stepping on stumbling-block toes of our civilization that spawned patriarchy, a system of monstrous proportion limiting lives from the cradle to the grave, infringing on basis human rights, stealing the joy of living by imposing oppression in its various manifestations, ingraining themselves into norms of society as we accept violence meted out ‘just for your good/just a slap/just words’, minimizing the violence and prolonging the hurt, wrecking a toll on future generations as violence become a learned behaviour, resulting in immeasurable economic, social and mental health cost. These ‘revelations’ are brutal but there is a redeeming factor: there is a beginning and there must be an end. 
How will it end? Accepting, admitting, and coming to grips with the realities, saying no to all forms of violence, unlearning violent traits in the individuals and removing oppressive systems especially state-sponsored oppression imposed upon society.
In this book, Pulling the punches: Defeating Domestic Violence, Daniels bares all, even sharing his story to add credence to some areas of concern, as if validation is necessary for this most pressing and depressing societal malady.
Although this is a self-help book aimed at perpetrators/survivors (man, woman, and state), it offers guidance to anyone concerned about the use of violence and to practitioners in the field of domestic violence.
The book is prepared in six progressive/graduating chapters from the root of domestic violence to the rooting out of this scourge, mindful that the full and true solution rests in self-realization and ‘repentance’ leading to release/salvation. Each chapter is important to the whole as each chapter looks at a key ‘awareness-raising’ issue to fully grasp and grapple with the problem in order to equip ourselves with the appropriate attitude and tools to effective put an end to domestic violence. A word of caution: change in individuals and in systems comes at different pace and the use of violence is a choice.
In chapter one, the focus is on the birth, evolution and entrenchment of a patriarchal society that spawned the socialization of violence, breeding the oppression of both male and female pointing to three contributing factors namely where perpetrators were hit/abuse as children, where sexist attitudes still exist and control/dominating patterns are practiced. Perpetuating these ills is one sordid side of the gloomy picture but condoning these ills is worse. And according to the book, ‘real solutions involve outlawing all forms of violence and teaching an ethos of non-violence’.
In chapter two, labeled ‘Men’s Liberation’, the focus is on the confusion about men’s oppression in a society where men are deemed the chief perpetrators in the oppression of women. This is what the book offers on the confusion: ‘[w]ith the oppression of men there is no one group, but the society as a whole does the oppressing, through its customs, culture and institutions. Chief among these latter are the army, police, prison and economic system’. Further, men are stereotyped to be superior – strong and indestructible – from youth where they are given ‘an arsenal of war toys’ and told ‘big boys don’t cry’, internalizing unhealed hurt, growing into the next sphere of providers to ‘bring home the bacon’ and even in sport of boxing which is a ‘hurt business’ and then having to deal with the fear of same-sex relationships and homophobia.
Chapter three labeled ‘Women’s Liberation’ looks at some of the factors contributing to oppression of women and how it is condoned in name of religion, tradition, custom, culture. Some other factors include politics, education, equal-pay discrimination, sexism and pornography, a multi-billion dollars industry controlled mostly by men. It is worthy to note that one of the ‘key places we learn sexism is in the home. Gender socialization begins from the moment babies are put into blue or pink and it continues for most of our lives’.
Under the subsection ‘language and liberation’ it is stated that language has always been used as a ‘tool of oppression’ and similarly, ‘sexist language is used as a tool to undermine women’ excluding them from ‘historical (after all it is his-story we are talking about) accounts’.
Chapter four, labeled ‘Giving up Addictions’, focuses on mind-altering substances: ‘That licit drug company are allowed to peddle their poison freely is a disgrace that can only be seen as a dereliction of duty by governments to protect its citizens from ill health, misery and early death’. Another major form of addiction is gambling especially as it is seen as not hurting anyone.
Chapters five – ‘Parenting for Change’ and six – ‘Building loving relationships’ ought to go hand in hand because of the commonalities found in both areas. The underlining factor in both areas is the need for a non-oppressive environment where hurt can be healed, where lives would not be limited and where growth and development is possible.
In Pulling the punches: Defeating Domestic Violence, there are numerous repetitions and overlapping, all designed to keep the issue in focus as a work in progress. This book is recommended reading for every strata of Guyanese society.
Responses to this author telephone (592) 226-0065 or email: oraltradition2002@yahoo.com (Guyana Times Sunday Magazine)
