Cricket woes

TIMES INT'L

Satiricus was so disconsolate he didn’t know what to do with himself. So he headed to the Back Street Bar. How could they do this to him? He’d been up all night in front of his computer screen trying to keep up, even though he knew he’d be bleary-eyed the next day. But what was a West Indian cricket fan to do?? It was West Indies versus India!
“Fellas, I knew after the first day it wasn’t going to be easy,” Satiricus said dolefully as he took his beer. “But I was hoping and praying our boys would at least salvage a draw.”
“Draw?” asked Bungi derisively. “Ole fr’en’, afta Jason Holder sprain ‘e ankle an’ Roach come ba’k home fu ‘e gran’mumma funeral, who wou’da bowl out dem Indian?”
“Bungi has a good point, you know,” said Hari. “When you allow a team to score 649 for 9 declared, that will intimidate any batting side.”
“Na gi’e me da!” exclaimed Cappo angrily. “Me bin up all nite too. Ev’ry waan a abee batsman jus’ fling dem bat like dem a cut cane!”
“An’ dem bowl de ball like dem a shy paddy!” complained Bungi.
“The question I have is: don’t the coaches and captain tell the fellas what to do out there?” asked Satiricus as he continued to sip his beer mournfully.
“Test cricket is a test of character,” said Hari. “That’s why it’s called ‘test cricket’. Our boys don’t have the character for the long game.”
“Da mek me na bin ‘gree w’en dem drap Chandrapal,” said Bungi, as he nursed his beer.
“But he’s too old now!” protested Satiricus
“Well,” replied Cappo, “’e wou’da show dem new bais how fuh keep dem head dong.”
“But the question I have,” said Hari, “is what happened to Gayle and the other big hitters? They’re still young and playing good cricket.”
“’E na mek ‘eself available fuh play,” reported Bungi. “’E wan’ fuh play in de Afghanistan T-20 league.”
“Now, this might be the reason why we’ll never make in again in test cricket,” said Satiricus.

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