Cricket Plan

Satiricus is a red-blooded Caribbean Man.

That means he has the red from the cricket ball in his veins; not to mention arteries.

He was very teed at the government at the moment: they just didn’t get the master plan of the WICB (and of course, the local GCB) to take over world cricket once again. Look at how they were messing things up by imposing an IMC to ‘reorganise’ local cricket when everything was going to plan! ” Leh me tell yuh something; abee people na think like white man.” Cappo shook his head slowly from side to side. “Dem people does gat 20 year and 50 year plan!” “And just when abee start doing things like dem, de government jump in, BADAM!” Bungi, his cane cutting partner, jumped in so seamlessly that it was very clear this discussion had taken place more than once in some canefield or the other.

“I know I’ve been away for a good while, so be patient with me.” Kuldeep’s brow was furrowed.

“You mean our cricket has been sliding downwards for 20 years and it’s part of a plan?” “Wha yuh mean, you ‘been away’? Is Berbice you been. You didn’t hear about de plan in Berbice?” Cappo’s voice was even more incredulous than Kuldeep’s.

“Just tell me what de blasted plan is! OK? This I got to hear.” Kuldeep’s seemed to be losing his cool.

“Den fust leh me tell yuh dat dis is canfidential,” Cappo lowered his voice conspiratorially.

“Me hear dis fram me Mamoo big son who does sell fish to the Guyana Cricket Big Bass – Banaa See wife. Yuh know Banaa See, right?” “I know Banaa See. Go ahead.” Kuldeep said patiently.

“Ah right. Well he wife tell me Mamoo big son de WICB plan. Dem guh tek de cricket to de gutter” Cappo looked directly at Kuldeep. “An when abee a de wuss team in de world, dem gon guh professional and buy everything cheap.” “That’s it?” Kuldeep’s voice had risen an octave or two and several decibels higher. It was almost a squeal.

“Well,” conceded Cappo, “Den dem guh tell de boys to play good again and de franchise gon worth billions! Banaa See gon get de Guyana franchise.” “That is de most stupid thing I heard in my life,” Kuldeep exploded. “Why de arse dem players will ruin their lives for those WICB idiots?” “Yuh sound just like them blasted guvvement people,” said Cappo in a wounded voice. “No vision!” “Yuh na see all de big players still a do good?” Bungi, filled in the gaps.

“Look how Bravo mekking records and thing!” “An de players gon get a piece of the action, when deh sell de franchise. Dat is what Banaa See wife tell me Mamoo son.” Cappo had the tone of the true believer. “Na everybody shart sighted like yo.” “So just like that,” Kuldeep snapped his fingers, “the players will start playing better than everybody in the world?” Kuldeep had not lost his incredulity.

“Ah wha kinda West Indian is you?” inquired Bungi. “Cricket in abee blood, bai! Abee can beat anybody when abee want fo win!” Satiricus had begun to have some doubts about ‘the plan’ while Kuldeep had been questioning Cappo and Bungi. But he dismissed his doubts. Who was he to question some of the smartest and most patriotic West Indians of all time? They were all in the WICB and GCB, of course.