Catfight

Satiricus is a fight buff. Nowadays, with all the sensitivity circulating, pugilistic preferences, much less proclivities, weren’t too popular. But Satiricus was unrepentant. He’d enjoyed the recent bout with Guyana’s featherweight, lightweight and WBC’s super lightweight champion Clive “The Punisher” Atwell last Saturday night as he won a unanimous decision win over Venezuela’s Raphael Hernandez.
Satiricus decided that the fight must have left an aura in Guyana because imagine his surprise when he turned up to cover a press conference at City Hall and discovered that a bout had been arranged. Then and there. And this was not between the louche mayor and the upright town clerk. This was between those featherweights – Freudy “the Man Kisser” Kiss Soon and his one-time sparring partner MalCome “Squeaky” d’Fracas.
Sadly because of the endemic dysfunctional City Hall, there were no commentators. As the bout started, Satiricus kept up a running commentary in his head.
And here, from the grungy grey corner on my left, in the shocking pink trunk, is the champion of bombast and the finest exponent of the low blow…the one and only…FREUD – THE MANKISSER – K-I-S-S-O-O-N!!!!!!
And from the even grungier dirty green corner, in the polka dot shorts, is his one-time sparring partner who is now challenging for the crown…mean and lean always good with a comeback jab…MALCOME “SQUEAKY” D’FRACAS!!!!!!
There in the middle…Mayor Groyne is the referee in this grudge match. The mayor knows a thing or two about low blows from his days as a bruiser. He was known as the KABAKA’S HENCHMAN. Remember folks??
Hold it…d’Fracas has just pouted his lips as if he wants to give Freudy a kiss on the lips. We think he’s trying to get a rise…heh! heh!!…our own Freudy.
And he’s succeeded!!! Freudy has just grabbed what’s left of d’Fracas’ hair…these two bumblers…ahem…fighters are a bit long in the tooth, aren’t they??
But d’Fracas isn’t taking that lying down. In fact he’s just grabbed Freudy by the “shorts”…and we don’t mean the shorts he’s wearing.
Freudy is on the ground writhing in pain…hold it…he’s screaming something…it sounds like “Maladorous Monster!!!!” An he’s just sunk his molars into d’Fracas’ leg!!!
As d’Fracas screams, “Out of work, Old  Man!!!!” without letting go of Freudy, Mayor Groyne is trying to pry them apart. He’s not having much success.
He warns then that they will forfeit the match if they don’t get on with the real fight. And more importantly, he adds, they’ll forfeit the purse.
The last bit of information got Freudy’s attention. “Money!” the Man Kisser panted, loosening his teeth from d’Fracas skinny legs, “Got to get that money. My car, which Jagdeo didn’t want to give me duty free, need tyres!!”
D’Fracas snorted in disgust as he threw aside a tuft of Freudy’s hair. “Give him the blasted purse. Maybe it will make him stop pestering businessmen for a raise.”