Category: Satiricus

Satiricus had just seen the new Bond flick, “Skyfall”. He felt like he was “M” with “assets” in the opposition as he glanced at the diary in his hands. His wife’s niece (five times removed) Leelawatee worked as a maid for them and had filched the latest diary from the Naga Man. She had to return the diary by the morning, so old Satiricus read hurriedly… Dear Diary, I got to be brief, Dear Diary. You know I ain’t getting any younger. But I just got to tell you what…

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Satiricus was pleased. There was hope for his country, he thought. Here were YCD and YSN the youth arms of the PNCEE and APANU calling for “restructuring” of GECON. During the last elections Satiricus had witnessed firsthand – as a humble journalistic scribbler – how stacked the staff was against the PPEE. Every man-jack (and every woman-jill, for that matter) had been an APANU supporter. Satiricus saw that GrainJa had been getting info even before SurujBallsy – much less his point man GoCool. Now these young men felt this was…

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Satiricus couldn’t believe his luck. His wife’s niece – three times removed, but who’s counting under the circumstances – belonged to a maid service. Guyana had certainly come a long way! The service was provided to the opposition big-wigs, who yet complained they were underpaid. Anyhow, Lilawatee – such was the name the niece answered to – had brought RaamJhaat Tan’s diary to Satiricus. She knew her Uncle Sato was a newspaper hack and once it was promised she could have it back in a jiffy she was pleased as…

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Satiricus was fuming. Here he’d booked his and his family’s flight to New York via the new airline on the block. The kids, who were not the easiest teenagers to please, has eased off their surly retorts. They were looking forwards to frolicking in the snow. Satiricus didn’t have the heart to tell them that the slush in Ney York City was usually half mud. And now he’s told CzJet had folded!! Why did these things have to happen to him? He scampered over to the back street dive as…

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Satiricus was “throwing back”. Literally. His legs were splayed upwards on the extensions of the Berbice Chair he’d inherited from his ‘old man’. He was home all day: an unusual circumstance normally but on Diwali, none of the old gang, whether Hindu or not, would imbibe any ‘sauce’. So Satiricus was doing his duty, tough as that was: tasting the cornucopia of sweetmeats that his better half (his Lakshmi, he thought fondly) was churning out. Satiricus did believe that the ladies of the neighbourhood had some sort of friendly competition…

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Satiricus was aghast. Dumb founded even. He’d read so much about NoGel Huge, the big time lawyer who thought he should be senior counsel. He never thought NoGel wanted that because he could charge more money. He thought NoGel thought he was a “big one”. He was certainly big in size! But here was No Gel losing his cool in front of some of the biggest names in Caribbean jurisprudence!!!  Had NoGel lost his mojo? “MoJo? He blasted well lose he temper!” snorted Cappo. “He like fo give fyaah, but…

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Satiricus was trying to fall asleep. He’d just finished reading a letter in the papers from the Naga Man. He was explaining why he and his buddies couldn’t be behind the Agricola Mayhem. A terrible thing that – the terror that had been inflicted on so many thousands of people. Why, even his friend Bungi’s children had been robbed and beaten! They were still crying about it. Anyhow, the Naga Man said he was printing all the e-mails he and his KFC pals were busy with the night of the…

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Satiricus was bemused. Bemused, not amused…that is, perplexed. Here it was, APNU has been clamouring since July for Rodee to resign or for the president to fire him. Against all parliamentary convention – Satiricus had to look it up as a journalistic scribbler – they’d even tabled and passed a ‘motion of no confidence’ in him to make sure he jumped or was pushed. They all took a blood oath they wouldn’t recognise him as home affairs minister. But here was Moustache Billiams, Chairman of PNCEE, demanding that Rodee testify…

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Satiricus was puzzled. He knew when little kids covered their eyes they really believe you can’t see them. That’s why they like to play ‘peek-a-boo’… I see you! Some politicians must have the mental development of those kids when they try to cover their lies with some words and think people can’t see what they’re up to. Were they then “innocents”or  “retards”, Satiricus wondered, as he listened to the Naga Man cussing out Ram Sammy and Man Zoor. “It’s a shame,” Naga Man screamed, “Members of the party (PPP) should…

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Satiricus’s jaw had dropped. What the heck was this? He liked Obama as much as any person-of-colour in Guyana, but ADJOURN PARLIAMENT FOR PARLIAMENTARIANS TO LOOK AT THE LAST OBAMA-ROMNEY DEBATE?!!!??? What had Guyana come to? The opposition had insisted on a two-and-a-half month holiday (with full pay!) and this was their first day back. Yet they deferred several bills, including the one they’d made so much noise about – the President Benefits and Other facilities Bill – to traipse home? “Ha!” snorted Cappo, “But notice dem eat de Gy$…

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