Satiricus had finally solved one of the biggest mysteries that’d baffled him for years. He was relieved but at the same time shocked. As the man he considered his leader in so many ways, (the other was Rum Jhaat) Satiricus had always wondered why Nagga Man’s face was so contorted. It was the face of a man who had suffered much. And at last Nagga Man revealed the cause: it was because of all the sufferation he had to endure from PPCEE’s persecution for 60 years – just because he…
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Testicular perspicacity
Satiricus is a man who just loves the English language – it is so unique. Which other language would have the words “tough”, “though” and “bough” – all ending with the same letters, but pronounced differently? But with all the words available in the dictionary, there are still some individuals blessed with the power to come up with combinations that just take your breath away. Take Rodee of the PPCEE, thought Satiricus admiringly. He’d just called on Naga Man to have the “testicular perspicacity” to follow up on his promise…
Read MoreBelle of the Ball
Satiricus liked to open his New Year by opening his newspaper to see all the movers and shakers shaking their booties at the New Year’s Ball. He was not disappointed. THERE was Rum Jhaat in his Top Hat, twirling away on the dance floor with his goofy grin in place! The ball had just started when the pic was snapped, but the Jhaat already look like he was smashed and holding on for dear life to his partner. But Satiricus was a tad disappointed Rum Jhaat didn’t wear his patented…
Read MoreRock Star
Satiricus was agog. And he hadn’t even had a tipple of grog. There in the staid, old, State newspaper, the Kronic, was the blaring headline – “Pressie – Rock Star in Lindon”!!! This was not the old suck-up rag that it used to be when the PPEE were running the show. So the new Editor couldn’t possibly be trying to score brownie points with the Big Enchilada. “No Siree!!” thought Satiricus. “Hadn’t Naga Man, who’d willingly given up all the paraphernalia of High Office as “Prime Moocher” to become the…
Read MoreSucked orange
Satiricus always knew that Guyanese had a way with words. They were so imaginative. In the 1960’s, just like that, they came up with “choke and rob” to describe what Americans mundanely called “muggings”. A “mugging” can be all sorts of things – even connected to the guzzling of Satiricus’ favourite beer. “But “choke-and rob”? No room for ambiguity there,” grinned Satiricus. “Just like with kick-down-the-door-bandits in the 80’s” and “slippery ochro” now.” Satiricus was mulling over the reaction of the Bourda vendors to Hammer Green’s tough-love edict to break…
Read MoreThe one without sin
Satiricus was livid. He’d just read this letter in the Stabber. Here was this fella Ah-Gun-Seh maligning the fair name of the Founder-Leader again. Claiming that the great Kabaka was not “sin-less”!!! “Oooooh!!” Satiricus shrieked, “When will this persecution cease?” Had the magnificent Odo not fulfilled every demand of the prophecy?? He was not as other sinful humans. What else did these people want??Was he not born under a star in a barrack in the village of Titty?? How could people like Ah-Gun-Seh tell people it was not really a…
Read MoreThe Mole
Satiricus was impressed. These big powers didn’t just plan for one year or two years: they were always prepared for the long haul. And so to make sure they remained “big” they didn’t leave things to chance. “Take the British,” thought Satiricus. “After they were laid low by WWII, they knew things had to change in their Empire on which the “sun never set”. But by Jove!! They just couldn’t let all those natives mess things up, could they?” But how the heck to keep the facade of “independence” while…
Read MoreMental processing
Satiricus was relieved beyond belief. Here it was for all these years − more years that he liked to think about – he’d been beating up on himself for being such a dummkopf. It had surfaced as far back as nursery school when he just couldn’t count from one to two – after a whole year. It wasn’t much different for the rest of his school life. His mother had told him it wasn’t his fault. The nurse had dropped him on his head soon after he was born. But…
Read MoreThe forest and the trees
Satiricus was ecstatic. As he’s confessed before, when he was a small boy, he’d always hoped to be a lawyer. Using all those fancy words, like “sine die”, and “sine qua non”; jumping up and shouting “incompetent, irrelevant, immaterial!!” (Young Satiricus had seen Perry Mason on TV) …and more to the point, earning the big bucks, had made lawyering his lodestar. Only his miserable grades at CSEC had stood in his way. So he’d done the next best thing – become a news hack where his editor could yell how…
Read MoreFlouting…
Satiricus was tired. He was tired of this Anti-Money Laundering Bill. It had dominated not only the newspapers but – more the (vexed) point – the daily briefings the Editor had with the news hounds. “I mean, how much can a fella take?” Satiricus had fretted to the boys at the back street dive. They were gathered there in their usual Friday night conclave, solving the world’s problems, while they wet their throats. Cappo, the CaneCutter, pointed to the headline on the MuckrakerKN, “Yuh mean dis?” And he then read…
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