Cake Shop Politics

Satiricus has never forgotten his humble beginnings. How could he? He’s actually never moved very far up the social ladder, if the truth be told. He remembered his mother sending him over to the cake shop down the street whenever they ran out of luxuries like rice and flour. The cake shop owner Goat Head Hanso, young Satiricus soon figured out, wasn’t too far up the ladder himself.

He’d often run out of items with alarming (to Satiricus’ household) frequency. Seemed that Goat Head’s supplier, Massa Jimbo from the public road, kept him on a tight leash with an even tighter credit policy. All of this tumbled across Satiricus’ mind as the budget became more than just a budget.

“Bai, a how APANU and KFC can cut Gy$20 billion from de budget?” Bungi wanted to know. “Da na twenty million cent; a Gy$20 billion!!!”

“Man, like you na listen to Ram Jhaat Tan and Grain Ja,” grumbled Cappo. “Dem seh dem want ‘leverage’. Yuh know wha da?” “Well me can tell a na ‘beverage’!” Bungi chuckled.

“If was beverage woulda been Jim Jones Kool Aid!” Hari joined in. “The whole point of the Gy$ 20 billion APANU and KFC chop is to show the government they got power.”

“Is blasted blackmail, if you ask me,” Suresh shouted. “All of us might have to pay more for electricity just because Ram Jhaat Tan and Grain Ja want to show Pressie they got spunks??”

“Well, the men say they want to make sure Pressie don’t spend too much,” Satiricus decided to share his Cake Shop theory. “Just like how Massa Jimbo used to control Goat Head. Remember?” All eyes swivelled towards Satiricus.

“So Ram Jhaat Tan and Grain Ja want fo run Guyana like wan cake shop?” Cappo’ s eyes bulged in incredulity.

“Pressie must run to Parliament every time he want fo build wan koker or dig wan canal fo de country?” Bungi squeaked.

“What kind of assishness is dat?”

“I hope you remember what happen to Guts’ Cake shop?” Suresh reminded Satiricus. “Jimbo squeezed the man so hard he had to close down.”

“Me see he bin a beg fo wan living, near Stabroek Market,” Bungi informed the gang.

“Well da wha guh happen to Guyana if APANU and KFC carry on like dis!” Cappo slapped the table to emphasise his point. “All abee gat fuh beg.”

“But why is it a bad thing to make sure Pressie don’t spend too much,” Satiricus persisted. “It’s always good to have somebody check on you when you spending.”

“Bai like you forget why Jimbo squeeze Goat Head?” Hari reminded Satiricus. “It had nothing to do with checking on Goat Head. He was checking out Goat Head’s wife!” “Yuh right,” Bungi confirmed. “He had de lady fuh wan couple months den he throw she out.” Bungi shook his head sadly.

“And dat is why Ram Jhaat Tan and Grain Ja squeezing Pressie,” Cappo looked at Satiricus. “Na nothing fo do fo keep things tight. Dem want de man blasted job!”

“Well, tek it from a businessman,” Suresh leaned over confidentially. “You can’t run a proper business like a cake shop. Much less a country.”

“And Ram Jhaat Tan and Grain Jan na even run wan cake shop in dem life,” mused Cappo as he raised his beer bottle.