Baddam!

Satiricus was an old news hound. So he knew Baddam! from back in the day. The day when the PNCEE used to beat people in the streets so that they ran in the street like ants. And Baddam! would write in the government papers that the people were lazy and the government was just helping them to exercise.
Burn Ham used to call him regularly and ream his a55 out when he didn’t put his picture on the front page. Not Baddam!’s picture; Burn Ham’s. Baddam! became twisted. He learnt to love a tongue lashing – so he moved to the MuckrakerKN after 1992. His new boss Glennie could cuss better than Burn Ham. Satiricus read his latest diary entry.
Dear Diary,
Lawd help me! Ah doan know how much longer I can put up with this maan. Is whole day and night he abusing me. Baddam! do this!, Baddam! do that! Who he think is me? Just because he sign me check doan mean he own me.
And dear diary, he cyaan even spell he name. And imagine me been to Queens and got to tek this nonsense. But because he give me wuk he think that goat bite me leaf. He doan know I got me own plans.
(Excuse me dear diary, I had to finish off some black pudding. I only eat four times for the day.)
For years I trying to get he to carry a PNCee line. But the man was PPCEE to the bone. Cussin Burn Ham every day. But I keep filling he ears every day with the party line.
Since he cyaan read, I had to read the paper every day for him. When the PPCEE do anything good, I would change it up when I read it to him. Glennie never knew!!
But was when he beg Preseeie Jagdesh for some concession and he didn’t get it he mind change. He start to allow me to write all kinds a things against Jagdesh. Hell! He didn’t allow – he encouraged me to write all that trash!
(OK dear Diary… I sneak out for a few minutes to eat some of that roast pork Glennie left over from the Chinese yesterday. I brought home the left overs.)
And you know, Dear Diary, is me and him does write “Dem Boys seh”. I mean I does write it because he can only write one or two things. And he does write so slow! But every day he does tell me what to write. And I tell you: that man could lie! Yep, you got that right. I, who lie for Burn Ham for years, can’t hold a candle to Glennie when it come to making up story on people.
After cussing out Jagdesh for years, he jump on Dr RanRoop. Is nothing but jealousy, dear diary. Jealousy and spite. The man is everything he want to be but can’t. The man is a doctor – and he can barely write.
But what sent Glennie ballistic was when RanRoop start up a newspaper. Imagine the only thing Glennie get some recognition for was for he newspaper. And now RanRoop was going to take that away.
Dear Diary, I tell you. Since then is every day he and me mekking up story about RanRoop. Even me shame. Ah too shame.
(But I got to eat, dear diary. I got to eat. I gone to eat the left-over metemgee.)