A snake in the grass

Satiricus wondered how you go about nominating somebody for sainthood. He’d heard that the Catholic Bishops of the region were having a meeting in Guyana and he figured they could see this living saint in action.

Beatification would be a cinch! And a boost for the region on top of everything. Satiricus, of course, had Ram Jhaat Tan in mind. How could Naipaul say the WI never produced anything? We mightn’t be able to produce a plastic bucket. So what? We’re doing all right producing men with simple living and high thinking.

“OK. Let me hear this again. You want to make Ram Jhaat Tan, what??!!” Hari was more than bemused. He was astounded.

“Well, a saint does sacrifice, right?” Satiricus asked the assembled brotherhood around their usual table at the back street dive. “He does do things for others, right? He don’t think about himself, right?” The nods around the table and the raised eyebrows signalled that the fellas agreed with the questions but they were waiting for the connection to Ram Jhaat Tan.

“Well, listen to this,” continued Satiricus. “Both PPPEE and KFC lost votes in Linden to APANU. Right?” “Big time,” confirmed Suresh.

“But when PPPEE announce they would remove the electricity subsidy to Linden, Ram Jhaat Tan didn’t hold that against these people who had rejected him.” Satiricus eyes were glowing with admiration. “He drove down that very night to warn the Lindeners, “You will have to pay for electricity now!! The PPP spite you!!!” Everybody looked at Satiricus. Several mouths had fallen open.

“What? You don’t think the sacrifice was big enough for sainthood? The man could have easily gone to enjoy his nightly drinks with ‘dem boys’.”

Satiricus looked incredulous. “What more the Bishops would ask for?” “Sacrifice, me arse,” responded Cappo in his earthy way.

“Me na know about de Bishop but me guh ask you wha you bin a smoke?” Satiricus looked offended. “What you mean?” “Budday!! Ram Jhaat Tan a wan real labaria!” Cappo exploded. “He guh to Linden fuh cut Grain Ja and APANU throat!”

“That’s right!” interjected Hari, who looked like he would burst from apoplexy any moment. “He told the people in Linden APANU betray them. He wants those people to vote for him the next time!” “But that would be cutting Granger’s throat after the man put Trotman, Ram Jhaat leader as the Speaker.” Satiricus looked a bit perturbed.

“Bai, a wha wrang wid you?” Cappo was solicitous. “Ram Jhaat Tan would cut he friend Naga Man throat fuh some votes! Dat man got no loyalty!” “You don’t see? Grain Ja had already agree with PPPEE Linden got to start standing on its own two feet,” Suresh chipped in. “But then he had to back down after Ram Jhaat Tan pushed the fire in Linden.”

“So Ram Jhaat Tan is really a snake in the grass?” Satiricus shook his head slowly. “I don’t think the Bishops would make a snake into a saint.” “Nah!!” agreed Hari with a smile. “Remember who started the whole trouble with Adam and Eve?” “A snake!!!” they all yelled in unison, as bottles clinked.